Queen Elizabeth II he never cries in public – it is a common perception forged seven decades flying triumphs and terrible tragedies for the head of state of the United Kingdom.
Even if many people believe it, it is not strictly true, royal historians say.
“There have been more times that she has been in tears than people recognize or choose to remember,” says Sally Bedell Smith, a renowned American biographer of the Queen and other older royal families.
Bedell Smith launches half a dozen occasions when the Queen was in tears, and not just in 1997 the beloved royal yacht, Britannia, was withdrawn. She cried when she went to Aberfan, Wales, In 1966 to meet the survivors of a horrific coal avalanche that killed 144 people, mostly children, says Bedell Smith. At the funeral of her sister Princess Margaret in 2002, people who were there and sat near her told Bedell Smith that she was “very tearful” and “the saddest I’ve ever seen.”
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“She shed tears, but it was at the right time, like a commemoration on Sunday of Remembrance” for the British war dead every November, adds longtime royal commentator Victoria Arbiter, who spent part of her childhood at Kensington Palace as the daughter of a former press secretary to the Queen.
But the widespread impression that the Queen seldom shows emotion reaches the basic role of the longest-serving reigning monarch in British history: after 69 years on her throne, she had plenty of practice to hide her feelings when needed – and often is needed.
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The Queen on Saturday maintained her undoubted grief at the funeral of her 73-year-old husband, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, who died on April 9, 1999. The 94-year-old monarch kept his composure as she exited her Bentley and entered St. George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle, a tiny, stooped figure dressed in black and with a matching face mask. She sat down alone for the service, heads bowed, and went with the dean of Windsor who was serving.
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“I don’t think we can underestimate how significant this loss is for the queen – it is indisputable that this will be the most difficult day in her life,” says Arbiter.
Her family will see her grief up close, but those who watched the television service did not. All 30 guests in the congregation, according to pandemic rules, wore masks. During the service, TV cameras, as usual, were kept at a distance from the royal faces.
The Queen’s second son, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, whom he said was her favorite, gave a hint of his mother’s behavior when he spoke to reporters two days after his father’s death.
“The Queen is, as you would expect, an incredibly stoic person,” Said Andrew (61). “She described (his death) as if she had left a big void in her life, but we, a close family, are gathering to make sure we are there to support her.”
The definition of a stoic is a person who can endure pain or difficulty without showing his feelings or complaint. This is Queen T, says Bedell Smith.
“She’s a woman of deep feelings, but she tries very hard to present a motionless face,” Bedell Smith says. “It’s partly because of her role, and partly because of her temperament and the way she was raised.”
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The then Princess Elizabeth, as she was known until her ascension in 1952, was very deliberately trained not to show her feelings in public, says Bedell Smith.
“If you see her at any number (performance) or event, for practical reasons she watches but doesn’t applaud,” Bedell Smith says. “The theory is that if she starts expressing any reaction, she will consider it favoring one group over another. So she has perfected this neutral look.”
She has sometimes been criticized for having a “stone” face because she doesn’t seem sensitive or careless, Arbiter says. She’s damned if she shows emotion, damn if she’s not, so her surest option is not to react.
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“The best way to avoid criticism is not to give anything, but it takes steel will and many years of practice,” says Arbiter.
Compared to her husband, who is more likely to express himself if he is upset or has been moved in some way, she must show neutrality. “Discipline! She’s so disciplined in every way,” Bedell Smith says.
As a member of the British generation from World War II, when so many people suffered hardship, loss, grief and destruction, Stoicism was a mechanism for confronting everyone, not just the Queen, says Arbiter.
“It’s a well-known phrase that royal members say: ‘Don’t wear private grief on a public sleeve,'” says the Arbiter.
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The family wants the ceremony to focus on the Duke, the longest-serving royal wife in British history, and his years of service to the nation.
The Queen, who is the head of the Church of England, may decide on a final farewell in an even more private and spiritual setting, in her private chapel where his coffin has been dormant since his death. There are no TV cameras there.
“I think he’s going to go to a private chapel with a coffin for a moment before the funeral,” Arbiter says. “It will be her intimate moment of forgiveness, a quiet moment of reflection and faith.”
She then put on a neutral face and mask and led her family through another royal ceremony to be remembered for centuries.
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