Do I want her? Or do I want to be her?


Happy Sunday everyone.

As you may know, June is a month of pride, and in honor of that Zara Barrie is back with a three-part series about navigating the girl scene. If you’ve ever found yourself attacking a girl, whether you’re heterosexual or not, this post is for you.

In this post Zara talks about the experience with her friend and how to dissect any feelings if you fall in love with a woman, is it real sympathy or is this just a cool fish that attracts you? Zara gets into it.

If you haven’t met Zara before, let me refresh you.

She was on Skinny confidential 4 times before! Not only is she an amazing writer and storyteller, she also keeps her real, raw and honest. He loves to write about taboo topics and that is one of the reasons why I love him when he comes to the blog.

She is the author ( Girls, stop fainting in makeup: A guide for bad girls how to get together ), writer and entrepreneur.

If you missed her first post on Skinny confidential, be sure to see here. You will learn so much about her!

In addition, we welcome Zara Barrie back to the blog.


“I do not know what to do!” My friend Alice cooed breathlessly at my drunken Sunday brunch a few weeks ago.

“What’s happening?” I asked, liberally swallowing my fancy champagne at 11 p.m.

Alice’s pale white cheeks transformed into a melodramatic red fire truck. “I developed, um, feelings for someone. Yes think. ”

“Amazing! Was forever because you liked someone. I wanted to suggest you become a priest so you could at least be paid for your celibacy! “Evil, I know, but exactly. Alice hasn’t been excited about the guy since Cameron’s fucking face oil recklessly ripped her heart out of her chest and continued to tread all over her ugly fucking slipper, more than a year ago.

“I know.” Alice’s pale blue eyes gleamed in the sun. I have felt like a lifetime since seeing my dear friend so bright and alive.

“So?” I bragged, suddenly voracious about the details. Yes love a good session with a girl with eggs benedict and champagne on sunday. Is not it?

“Well. Um, I don’t know. She tugged at the sleeves of her cashmere sweater.

“GIVE ME TEA! What’s his name? Spill it, bitch! ”

Alice took a deep breath and returned the remnants of her champagne. “Name. The name is … Melinda.” She stammered, shifting her gaze down toward her thighs in a Pilates tone.

“A man named Melinda?” It must be from Nantucket or somewhere really in a bougie where boys are given names like COURTNEY.

“Melinda’s not a guy,” Alice murmured.

Her words hung heavily in the air. Although I am a seasonal lesbian writer who has posted over 2000 essays on the internet about things like this; I found myself stunned. Alice flew out of the mother’s womb of the mad boy. She was that little girl who spent her whole high school feverishly collaging the walls of her bedroom with clips of boys in bands. The girl who tripped on her own jaw when we saw Leonardo DiCaprio in The Ivy in Beverly Hills. A girl who, after the third glass of wine, can’t help but (loudly) show her love for smoking.

But alas, yes also they happen to know that sexuality is brilliantly nuanced and Alice needed guidance.

“I see,” I said calmly, directing my doctor. I imagined a stethoscope around my neck. “You have feelings for Melinda. A woman. ”

“I do Zara and I go crazy because of it! I need your help! Desperate! “

“I got you.” I stammered, giving up on the doctor. “Can we get a side of the french fries with the truffles,” I asked, tagging our waiter. I may not know everything, but I know this: French fries with truffles can help calm the nerves of even the most sexually confused girls. “And some more champagne?” As well as champagne.

“I don’t even know if it’s real?” Alice thought, wrapping a shiny lock of light blonde hair around her ring finger.

I nodded in understanding. I may have been caught unprepared, but this was not my first rodeo. My DMs are flooded with panicked messages from girls like Alice. “Straight” women who waited ~ unexpectedly ~ weak in the knees for the same gender. And although I’ve only been dating women since their early twenties, I get it to. When you were raised in a culture that aggressively conditions you to crave Alex – how feverishly you fantasize about Alex – it can be a total mess.

“Oh. and thank you for ordering champagne and fries with truffles, ”Alice whispered gratefully, her lips finally twisting into a smile.

We spent the rest of the lunch analyzing Alice’s unstoppable infatuation with Melinda, a lesbian she befriended in a Pilates class downtown. Two hours, two glasses of champagne and two servings of french fries later; Alice felt free from the shackles of uncertainty. At the end of lunch, she was sure that falling in love with Melinda was definitely real.

So, my dears, if you’ve ever been curious about why your heart skips a beat when Gianna – a battered personal trailer from the hallway sexually shakes “hiii” in the elevator of your building – you’ve clicked on the right article.

If you suddenly find yourself jealous of your best lesbian new girl and feel vague what your newly discovered territorial nature means – stay with me.

If you’re wondering if you want to be with your new new colleague with short hair, skinny jeans and nasty motorcycle boots, or if you just want to be she – Relax, baby.

If you’ve ever found yourself * a little * curious about that tiny bit of excitement you feel between your thighs is, when the image Ruby Rose pops up on your Instagram feed – comfortably on the couch and keep reading.

Now that you’ve gotten that far, you’re officially under the wing of my lesbian big sister and you’re safe here. Yes promise. & girl crush is simply my area of ​​expertise.

But before we move on, it is necessary to cool down a bit first.

But I’ve never had feelings for a WOMAN before, why are those feelings NEVER NEVER AFTER? But I don’t even look like a LESBIAN on TV, how can I be or would I be gay? ALSO WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK ?! GAHHH!

These are the kinds of questions that so often swirl through the fluttering brains of “heterosexual” women who have unexpectedly fallen in love with a girl inflated in their intestines. & makes sense! When your sexual appetite suddenly turns in the opposite direction, of course, it will be nauseating.

If you’ve ever just craved meat, and one night you’ll bounce off the steak idea and overcome it instead primordial eager for tuna tartare – which has NEVER tickled you in the past – it’s only natural to question the sudden change in your body’s heart. But I’m here to tell you to calm down and order whatever you want.

Yes, your friends and family might be shocked to see you, a typical carnivore, sinking your teeth into a piece of raw fish – but also, who cares? You know, no one actually dies from shock. & This is yours life. What if tuna tartare is so amazing that you never want to eat a steak again? Wouldn’t you like to know?

Real story: The fact that you have been “strictly weird” for the last twenty years does not mean that your newfound attraction to women is not really. It’s sexuality liquid. What made us happy yesterday may not satisfy us today. It is true that we are always evolving and changing if we are really living life.

Sometimes we go through big career changes.

… Or get tired of our beloved cities and venture into new cities. Or you are attracted to a completely different gender. Personally, it’s great for me to be struck by something unusual. It means life can still surprise us.

& oh, are you worried about the authenticity of your oddity because you don’t look like the lesbians you watch on television? Girl. I wear heavenly heels, I have long hair and I don’t leave the house without a bunch of mascara that adorns my lashes, and guess what? I’m weird like a three-dollar bill. Repeat after me: Style and sexuality are two different things. Fashion is just window decoration; does not dictate what is in the store.

But for now, silence all the * external * noise that distracts you from respecting the truth. Because none of that issues. It only matters how you feel right now.

Listen to your body. When you think of her, does your heart sink to your knees? Do you feel lush and elated inside? & most important; do you feel hot and nauseous and lustful when you imagine kissing her? Because there’s only one way to actually find out if you have sincere feelings for a woman: Can you imagine having sex with her (even if you’re not quite sure what lesbian sex is)? Is there an idea to take off her clothes and roll around her bedding to excite you? Does that annoy you – in a good way?

Or does the notion of girl sex make you wildly uncomfortable and excluded? If deep down you feel dark restlessness and can only imagine – maybe – holding hands – your crush probably doesn’t have a romantic leg.

Maybe she’s just the coolest girl you’ve ever met. Maybe she’s the kind of girl you secretly want to be. Maybe you’re attracted to the attention it gives you. & you know what? That’s all super.

There are so many magnetic girls in the world and it’s easy to be intoxicated by fierce queer girls. But if you don’t want it sexually, it’s not something to deal with. Girls / girls dating is not a platonic game. The culture of lesbian dating actually leaks sexual energy. We don’t just sit tucked by fires outdoors singing alongside Indigo Girls – we have sex. Explosive sex (about that soon!).

It’s just not fair to take care of well-meaning lesbians and bisexual women – women who are sure who they are and what they love – if you’re not sure they’re attracted to you. I was on the other side of this, & honey. Royal shit to be led by someone who doesn’t even want to a kiss you.

Conversely, if the idea of ​​having sex with your crush causes an incredible shiver down your spine; I think it is safe to say that your sympathy is one hundred percent authentic.

So now that we know how you feel and where you stand, it’s time to take action, darling! So sit still, because in my next post your lez big sis will tell you everything you ever wanted to know about lez joints.

We’ll go through everything: How to make the first move, the etiquette of having fun, the do-it-yourself, the internet connection and more. Purr! I can not wait. and always, freely DM to me any urgent questions you have in the meantime.

Happy month of pride!




Follow Zara’s other posts in this series: A Lesbian Guide for Beginners & Everything you ever wanted to know about lesbian sex.

In the meantime, be sure to follow @zarabarrie & the scope of her other posts on Skinny confidential:

How to grow up and merge your shit but keep the wild side

Just treating the pain

Looking pain in the eyes

Self-forgiveness and freedom

x, lauryn

+ check out this post about how to get down on it as a professional.

++ if you want to spice it up in the bedroom, you have to try it sexy stranger.


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