If you have a child, did you connect immediately or did it take you a while to connect with the migrating being in front of you? When my children were born, I had very different experiences …
One moment They put Toby in my arms In 2010, my heart exploded. Our relationship immediately overwhelmed me. His intense eyes! His milky breath! His tiny fingers!
But when Anton arrived in 2013, I felt disoriented. Although he was equally sweet, mushy and sweet, I felt like a stranger was suddenly living with us. I loved him because I would walk through fire for him, but were we in sync? Could we stare into each other’s eyes all day? Postpartum depression hit almost immediately, and I felt disconnected from everything around me, including my new son.
I would tell myself, as I breastfed him five times a night or rocked him lightly to sleep, that even though my brain was in a fog, my actions showed it: I love you, I love you, I love you.
Fortunately, a few months later, my mind cleared and I fell for the hook, the wire and the sinker for this wonderful person, who became one of my great joys.
Cup of Joe readers described similar feelings. For example, says Sage: “Without hesitation I would take a bullet for my son and I am delighted with the kind, handsome, intelligent boy he is … but I didn’t feel instantly mushy after giving birth. Or 10 days after. After about a month, maybe two, I fell for it, but yes, there was a process. Even now, I get chills in movies or commercials where women burst into tears of love the moment they hand over their baby. I really wish I had felt that, but I just wanted to sleep. “
And a reader named Stacy agrees, “It took me a solid month, maybe two, to feel that full-fledged love with my son. I felt unsuccessful because everyone I met in the first few stormy weeks was talking about immediate love. I would just laugh falsely and slip through. Fortunately, at almost three years old he is the light of my life! “
Welcoming a child in the family is an incredibly intense and personal experience and it is normal to experience all kinds of feelings – even negative ones. You are never alone.
What about you? Did you connect immediately or did it take a while? I would love to hear your thoughts.